2 reasons I probably wouldn't survive a horror film.

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Here in Urban Legends and Horror HQ I like to think I'm a little knowledgeable when it comes to the horror genre, I may not bother myself with every horror film I come across but I've seen more than enough to give me a good idea of what to expect of those situations.

So naturally, being a long time horror lover, I just assume that I would ass-kick my way through any bad guy or evil doer without even breaking a sweat. 

This however, would probably never happen.

Reason 1: I am the shower scene girl from any horror film ever.

I may have seen any horror film I could get my hands on and read every single Point Horror book as a child but I also forget this stuff at crucial times. 

Let's take a more or less recent example. Before I moved to my current house, I lived in a tiny cottage with my better half in the countryside. He was at work, it was nighttime and I decided to take a shower. So there I am, in our tiny shower minding my own business. Mid shower I hear a few noises but as a fearless woman I obviously brush them off... I wish. What actually happened was that I promptly turned off the shower, wrapped myself in a towel and crept down the staircase to see what the noise was.

Oh hi there Mister Evil Killer Guy, it's me, half naked shower lady presenting myself for slaughter.

My entire knowledge-base of DOs and DON'Ts of the horror genre literally evaded me that night. What if there actually was a machete wielding hockey player in my living room? Right there I just became the most pathetic death in a Scream sequel.

Typical Shower Scene. GIF source http://scream.tumblr.com/

Reason 2: I am the worst person ever in "crisis" situations.

A lot of horror films tend to feature some typical character roles: the leader, the loner, the beauty, the smart one. Some real worldly situations have taught me that unless I have someone to tell me what to do in a crisis, I probably won't do very well.

Take two weeks ago for example. I'd put the washing machine on and just finished washing the dishes, noticing that the water was draining pretty darn slowly in the sink. I finish up in the kitchen and come back into the living room to watch my boyfriend playing Xbox, casually mentioning that the kitchen sink wasn't draining properly. A few minutes later I go back into the kitchen to check on the water only to find that the sink was overflowing with water all over the floor. What do I do? I shout for my boyfriend. Multiple times. He immediately rushes in to see me, staring at the sink, water flowing everywhere and promptly grabs a few pans and empties the water out of the sink.

My reaction, freeze and call for help. His reaction, actually do stuff to you know, help the situation.

This wasn't the first instance of this happening. We've had a small fire that I discovered in the kitchen and upon my discovery, I shouted for my boyfriend. Our dog ran out of our garden into the street, I shouted for my boyfriend. In horror films, the damsel in distress is mostly always killed pretty quickly, sometimes in a towel because she just climbed out of the shower to investigate a strange noise.

So there you have it, I am one big disaster in crisis situations. I can picture it now. An evil toy clown comes at me with a comically large knife. Instead of dealing with that myself, I call for my boyfrie- Oh wait he killed me already. 

Yeah, he's tiny. And what? Image from: El Grimlock, Deviant Art

There are probably a lot more reasons I'd be a good target for most film bad guys but the good thing about this is, now I know my weaknesses. I can work on them and then promptly begin the ass-kicking if I ever need to. Unless my boyfriend is nearby, then he can do it.

Are there any reasons you wouldn't survive the first act of a horror flick?

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Films that scare you?

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As horror fans go, I'd say I'm a pretty good one. Whilst I don't watch every single horror film I can get my hands on (whilst most would see this a blasphemous, I really can't watch badly made films - which I suppose a lot of horror falls into) I can say that I've seen A LOT of horror. 

Some may never let their child watch a horror film and yet I was permitted to watch such films at a young age. I guess this led to my fascination with the horror genre, I watched films and not unlike a lot of children/teens my age back then I was a HUGE fan of the Point Horror book series (and Point Horror UNLEASHED for us hardcore horror fans). So after overloading myself with scares from an early age I guess it's safe to say that as of now, I don't really become too scared by horror films anymore.

I guess the last horror film that actually scared me was Paranormal Activity 1. Before the inevitable groan escapes those lips of yours, let me defend myself. I was 19, I had just started University and I only had 1 other girl on my floor. We went to watch the film at the nearby Cineworld and well you know what girls are like. Fear breeds fear and boy was she scared... 

I mean you can hate the PA franchise all you want but when you are lying awake at night all alone and you are replaying the film in your head. Picture the scene of Katie being yanked from her bed by her leg. Really. That nonsense is terrifying and that is all my brain could think of that night.

After the Paranormal Activity incident I've been tense during horror films but never scared. My good friend Jordan keeps egging me on to watch Mirrors which I am yet to indulge in. The problem is, mirrors scare me in real life. Seriously. I expect to see a serial killer in the reflection behind me at all times of the day in my bathroom so I'm not entirely sure if watching a horror film based on mirrors would be a great idea for me...

I feel like  I need a good scaring, I'll hate myself afterwards for it (a horror fan who is terrified of the dark) but this can't be it for me. Almost 23 years into my life and there are no longer horror films to keep me awake at night?

I remember watching Darkness Falls when I was roughly 13 maybe 14. That film ended with me falling asleep in the light beams of my TV on the floor. It has now been uploaded onto UK Netflix... Maybe it's time for a relapse into childhood scares!

If you're reading this and you have *the* perfect film to scare the pants off me do comment or send me an email at kay@urbanlegendsandhorror.com.

- Kay

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The Resident Evil Series - Resident Evil: Afterlife

In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety. Her deadly battle with the Umbrella Corporation reaches new heights, but Alice gets some unexpected help from an old friend. A new lead that promises a safe haven from the Undead leads them to Los Angeles, but when they arrive the city is overrun by thousands of Undead and Alice and her comrades are about to step into a deadly trap.

The Resident Evil (film) series hasn't always had particularly amazing reviews, not unlike many other game to film franchises. 

I guess the best way to approach these films is to not expect a scare a minute type movie. The games had a lovely way of keeping you up for hours after setting down the controller, I have a particular memory of my brother watching me play Resident Evil 3: Nemesis and having to sleep in my room with me because he was too scared to be alone.

The films don't deliver the same tense atmosphere but they are certainly entertaining! Milla Jovovich was a fantastic choice for the title character of Alice and she delivers in every instalment. 

The fourth instalment looks to be as action packed as the first three. I had planned on watching it in 2d rather than in the widely advertised 3d. However, after reading about it in more depth it seems that the film has been incredibly geared towards the 3d showings so I guess it'll be contact lenses at the ready! (Wearing 3d glasses over your regular glasses doesn't seem like a fun way to watch a film).

It seems to be set 5 years after the third film (?) and Alice has journeyed to Alaska (Where the survivors from the previous film flew to 'safety'). The only survivor she finds is Claire with a spider like contraption embedded into her chest (for those of us who played Resident Evil 5 we will know a bit about this little contraption). We find out that Wesker is behind it (more about him below) and they both go about looking for survivors.

We get to see Claire Redfield have it out with The Executioner in a highly anticipated fight scene(don't worry if this doesn't make sense, the trailer is below). It's nice to see that other people get to have more of a hands on role in the film, rather than Alice doing all the work. It's also worth mentioning that Alice no longer possesses her psychic abilities in this film.

With many of the main cast from previous films having been killed off we will also see the return of Jill Valentine who was popular amongst the loyal game fans. 

Albert Wesker has a role in the fourth film too, seemingly being infected (maybe a lá Resident Evil 5 the game?). He shows of his 'kickass' moves in a fight with Claire Redfield and Chris Redfield(!). 

 

It looks like the makers have decided to include more of the games in this next film which is great. Whilst I thoroughly enjoyed Resident Evil: Extinction, the premise that it all took place in daylight completely took any horror element out of the film. The makers did say that it was filmed in daylight as to break away from the usual darkness of most horror films but who's afraid of daylight? 

Hopefully this film will bring back the horror element to the franchise, if not I certainly know that it'll be on action packed ride!

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